9 weeks

We resumed work last week after being in Lockdown for 9 weeks.
It’s been a tough season and glad some light is flickering ahead;
hopefully the end of this tunnel.
Our core business is solar installations which means
 the restrictions on movement put the company on hold.
April was notable tough, we generated zero revenue.

Here’s a few lessons I’ve learnt:

i) The importance of a cheering squad -I’ve had a number of friends,
partners, mentors, family holding my hand and encouraging me .
They’ve shared resources, opportunities, information, laughter
and most importantly hope. They lightened my load immeasurably
and I’m grateful for them.

ii) Hard decisions are mostly hard in my head. Making tough choices
 was easier than I’d anticipated. We managed to reduce our monthly
expenses by 54%. The conversations and negotiations that’d have had
me breaking in hives in early March were surprisingly easier when I had no choice.

iii) Tough seasons are learning seasons. I know much mo…

May 2020

George's 1st anniversary is on Monday
Nikki died yesterday.
And in these Covid -19 times, we're walking on death shells.
What to do?
We hurt, we grieve, we mourn
We regret texts not returned and phone calls un-answered
We remember conversations and moments
We struggle to say goodbye and to believe this is it.
Surely, this cannot be it.
We need one more day, one more time
To savor the friendship and bask in their presence
To see, to touch, to feel
Death, your sting f**king hurts


Today, I'm grateful for
- Online workshops and yoga classes
- Long walks
- Amina
- Fridge
- Hot meals
- Photos and phones that store them
-  Internet, Data and hot spotting
- Soap
- WhatsApp and Insight Timer
- Hope
- Leftovers
- Oven
- Food in the house and money to buy it
- Online banking
- Aha moments
- Bracelets
- 14 years olds who can do chores
- Birthdays
- Nephews and nieces
- WhatsApp groups
- Memories 
- Saturdays
- Life, health and well being
- Jokes
- Laughter
- The Sun
- Clothes
- Electricity


Yesterday morning I learnt my friend Sabstone from Malawi
passed away from high blood pressure.

I had  fooled myself that after George and Mum's
deaths, any other would be easier.
Been drowning  in tears and memories.

Reminded me of a conversation I had with Mum, there's no
'small' death.
It all hurts

Rest well Sabstone, you will be missed

Day 5

I had a call with a friend today, we were checking on each other and
she asked how I'm holding up.
I'm well, today is Day 5 of the lockdown in Uganda.
In the last few weeks, it's become clear how interconnected
humanity is and also how fragile.

The rising figures of Covid-19 infections and deaths are hitting close to home.
Two years ago I started a meditation practice, using Insight Timer app.
I highly recommend both, the practice and app.
At distressing times as these, it's grounding, comforting and helps shift
the focus to the here and now.
The second thing that's working for me is realising how little is
in my control and doing what I possibly can about it.
I can wash my hands, reach out to my family and friends, read,
check in with my colleagues etc
And for now, that is good enough.

How are you holding up?


The last time I paid this much attention to my body was in 2015 when  recovering
from malaria.
And of course, what you pay attention to grows, right?
I'm hearing a lot of  moans, cracks and crinks.
They say black don't crack and whereas my face is easily 5-10 years younger,
the bones and joints are on schedule.
Maybe it's time I revisited my fitness goals.
Hard to believe there was a time I was practicing Aikido 3-4 hours a week.
Oh, if I could turn back the hands of time *whistles away

IWD 2020

I celebrate my Mum this Women's  day.
One of the gifts she bestowed on me was the love of reading.
On my loss and grief journey, I'm struggling to read.
To remind myself of the joy and pleasure of getting engrossed in a book,
let me share my best reads of 2019

1) The body is not an apology -Sonya Renee Taylor
2) One day in December - Josie Silver
3) Master's tools -Audre Lorde
4) The courage to be disliked -Ichiro Kishimi and Fumikato Koga
5) Milk and Honey -Rupi Kaur
6) Long shot -Kennedy Ryan
7) How to have difficult conversations -Stone, Patton and Heen
8) When breath becomes air -Paul Kalanithi
9) Manchester Happened -Jeniffer Makumbi
10) We real cool -Bell Hooks

11) Refresh -Satya Nadella
12) The hard thing about hard things -Ben Horowitz
13)The healing power of herbs -Tina Sams