Motherhood penalty

Of course I've heard of it.
The theory that there's a price mothers pay in the the workplace for well, being mothers.
I'd never thought of it till recently.
My daughter and nephew came home after schools were closed in Mid March and
I'm the sole parent.
Five and a half months later, they travelled to  Kenya and are now staying with my
sister and her family in Mombasa.
In the five weeks they've been away, I have attended a 3 day off site team retreat
and visited 2 branches for 5 days.
I am typing this from a hotel room, on a 3 day field visit to a 3rd branch.
The only way I am able to travel this extensively and for long periods is because
I no longer have care giving duties.
I'm lucky that my remuneration isn't directly tied to these field trips.
Millions of working mothers aren't and have to make difficult choices.
My heart aches for all of us.

Shame and Love

I finally admitted to myself and the world that I want love.
Which was harder than expected.

And this gem of a post made me realise one of the important reasons why.
The dominant residue feeling from my past romantic relationships is/ was shame.
She hit the multiple nails ob the head for me and my girls.
Tonnes of shame have been lifted off our shoulders
 Here's some of the Bull's eyes:
One of the saddest things about growing up in our culture is that we’re taught
to associate unrequited feelings with shame
But when situations get murky and confusing, women are usually the ones who
helpfully soak up all the ambient shame in the room.
So stop soaking up all of the ambient shame in the room. Picture it rolling off you
onto the floor. It doesn’t belong to you, so it can’t stick.

If you want to love and be loved, the very best thing you can do is to stop looking
for feedback from others about how lovable or shameful you are, and build your
own religion around how you deserve love and …

Wanted: Love

April -June 2020, Kampala had a 9 week Covid -19 Lockdown.
I walked, baked and basked in my thoughts.
Hadn't realised how much of a distraction work is.
When I didn't have much of it, was gifted with time
to take a look at the woman in the mirror.
I love her: is ecstatic of who she is and how she has shaped and
being shaped by her  journey.
She is happy with her choices, proud of the inner and outer life she has
She now realises wanting romantic love is neither a weakness nor
a far fetched dream.
She's human and desires to experience life in all it's fullness.
Her choices of love and lovers in the past are a testament of her
faith and courage. The lessons: good, bad and ugly are an integral
part of the rich tapestry of her life.
And without knowing how and when the next love will be, she has
promised to show up; scars be damned.

The weekend

It's Sunday 1446hrs.
This weekend I've finished reading Love works, started re-reading The Prophet,
done yoga, gone for a 1hr walk, whittled the tabs on my phone from 50 to 14,
read and listened to poetry, drank wine, caught up with family, slept and napped to
my heart's content and had an enjoyable didn't-want-to-end whisky date.

All things that brought me joy and fed my soul.
Guess what I'm feeling now?
Crazy, right?
I'm feeling guilty that I haven't done any work related stuff.
When I prioritise and feed into me, the residue feeling is guilt
When I focus on work, to the detriment of my health and happiness,
the feeling is accomplishment.Obviously, I have a lot to learn ,unlearn and relearn.
In case this happens to you as well, you're not alone.
We shall overcome.
Remember, we're all a work in progress.

Quora Gems

Every so often I come across gems on Quora .
Here's one that I shared with a friend in July last year.
Can't find the original post and it's worth preserving and sharing
How do you learn to love yourself in order to overcome being needy in relationships and have healthy relationships?
There is a developmental concept in child psychology called object permanence. It’s the understanding that objects in the world continue to exist even if we cannot see or hear or touch or smell them.
All healthy humans develop this understanding within the first two years of their lives.This is the entire concept behind the game of peek-a-boo. It’s funny for toddlers because when you hide your face behind your hands, the child literally thinks you have disappeared. You’ve ceased to exist. (1895 Painting by Georgios Lakovidis)We grow to realize that the world does not function that way.Even if I cannot see the building across from my house, I know it’s there. I wouldn’t feel the need to consta…

Solar Podcast

I enjoy podcasts.
Here's me talking to Distributing Solar about my work.

Hallo July

One of the things that June has taught me is to own and seize my
joy when it is found.
Which is harder than it sounds when surrounded by such pain and dismay.
Still we rise

Dad was a florist and would bring fresh uncut flowers home every week.
I have fond memories of arranging them and during Lockdown, I promised myself to
start buying them when I could.
Such a small price for a huge load of happiness.

I taught Kami and Andrew to bake and on the #DayoftheAfricanChild2020,
came home to this yummy home made bread.
My heart was bursting at the seams with joy.

 I love food and is grateful to live in fertile Uganda, one of the few African
countries without food insecurity.
At (almost)every corner there's a fresh foods vendor, one of the many blessings
I'm counting today.

Here's a prayer for you and me (by Grace R Biamah)
May the weather be sane, diseases be gone, children be manageable
work be sensible, fun be plentiful and life be enjoyable.

Happy July to us  xoxo