Posts

13 months

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13 months ago I left the familiar territory of the Gender and Development and took up
 a position in a social enterprise.
It's been a steep growth curve and here's my key 13 lessons:
1. Learning goes both ways. There's a lot to learn and a lot to teach 
2. Cultivate your voice. Showing up as your authentic self is critical 
3. Delayed decisions charge interest. The sooner you decide and act on the decision,the better 
4. Your team is your biggest asset and liability. They will make or break you. 
5. You have to be the bigger person, all the time, every time. 
6. Courage is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger and easier it gets. 
7. Murphy's Law:everything that could go wrong does after everything that goes right. 
8. Know your tribe. Figure out fast who to go to for what. 
9. Ask, ask, ask. For help, clarification,favours ,information. Always ask
10. Everything takes longer than you think. One of the co-founders, Jay, drummed this into me and it's annoyingly true.
11…

Acceptance

My week has been a mixed bag.

The awesome part was Ann's visit.
You truly don't know how much you miss someone till they are gone.
I've had a blast in the one week she's been here. The visit to  Kigali was
 particularly special

In his second attempt, my cousin Kabiru ended his life on Sunday and was
buried yesterday.
George my colleague fell sick ,alone in his house .The hours it took for someone to get to
his house and confirm he was alive were nerve-wrecking .
The chemo and radiotherapy effects on Mum are taking a toll.
On a work trip, the truck broke down and had a 9hour wait before we could proceed.

As I sit here on my  couch taking stock of the past 7 days, I've realised I struggle
with accepting things as they are. Especially when I make mistakes.
I have platinum membership to the What If and Should Have club and it's exhausting.
Any ideas on how I can reduce this?It's doing my head in, I'm perennially swinging  between a
utopic past where I m…

Boda Boda stage

So much happiness

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3 friends in the last one week have commented that I'm glowing, and
on it's heels who is he jokes.
I have no clue what's causing it; will gladly take it though;-)
Then I came across this poem that made my heart sing 
So Much Happiness by It is difficult to know what to do with so much happiness.
With sadness there is something to rub against,
a wound to tend with lotion and cloth.
When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to pick up,
something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs or change.
But happiness floats.
It doesn’t need you to hold it down.
It doesn’t need anything.
Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing,
and disappears when it wants to.
You are happy either way.
Even the fact that you once lived in a peaceful tree house
and now live over a quarry of noise and dust
cannot make you unhappy.
Everything has a life of its own,
it too could wake up filled with possibilities
of coffee cake and ripe peaches,
and love even the floor which ne…

:-(

I'm weathering the grief.

At time it's a wave. A smell, picture, memory sets off the
ripple. The build up is slow and it ebbs in and out .
The constancy makes it easy to bear.

The lighting strikes out of nowhere.
I can be at work, typing an email and suddenly, I'm
in tears, hands shaking, wailing  and crumbling on the inside.
The wounds is pierced afresh , the pain sharp and deep.
It helps that I have my own office where I can sit this out

Fog is the commonest and it carries me effortlessly .
I'm a battery that need charging all the time.
Eating, getting up, interacting with others takes 10x more energy than usual.
The pain is a dull constant ache humming in the background.

The cloud is the hardest to bear. It drizzles a steady stream of pain. Everywhere, including
my hair hurts.
The umbrella is sleep

May your soul keep resting in peace Master Matindi  wa Ng'ang'a  .
You are missed


#blessed

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For years, I wouldn't cross the Kenyan border.
Nowadays I regularly travel across Kenya, Uganda and Rwanda.
So regularly, I've stopped appreciating  the blessing and privilege it
is to be able to cross these borders with ease.
This joins  a long list of things I take for granted :
- Waking up
- Mum
- Health
- Being literate
- Internet
- Books
- Earth
- Life
- Shelter
- Employment
- Freedom
- Family
- Friendship
- Water
- Air
- My body
- Peaceful region
- Language
- Moon
- Medicine
- Plants
- Universe
- Gadgets
- Laughter
- Sleep
- Jokes
- Ideas
- People (Thinks of I am Legend)
- Faith
- Etc etc
 I'm hoping to experience this more often; the reckoningof how rich
and wonderful my life is, even in the midst of a cyclone.

Steel Utensils

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Last year, I struggled to get images of a steel cup and decided to take photos of Mum's  utensils when I went home


Mum, her friends and most of her age mates use this.
Those who prefer ceramic cups have to say it as this is the default.
DO NOT serve Mum and/or guests using a chipped cup.

This beseni(basin) is older than me.
Mum was gifted by her cousins in 1979 when she got married.
The reason it's still intact? only used during special functions.