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COVID-19

The last time I paid this much attention to my body was in 2015 when  recovering
from malaria.
And of course, what you pay attention to grows, right?
I'm hearing a lot of  moans, cracks and crinks.
They say black don't crack and whereas my face is easily 5-10 years younger,
the bones and joints are on schedule.
Maybe it's time I revisited my fitness goals.
Hard to believe there was a time I was practicing Aikido 3-4 hours a week.
Oh, if I could turn back the hands of time *whistles away

IWD 2020

I celebrate my Mum this Women's  day.
One of the gifts she bestowed on me was the love of reading.
On my loss and grief journey, I'm struggling to read.
To remind myself of the joy and pleasure of getting engrossed in a book,
let me share my best reads of 2019

1) The body is not an apology -Sonya Renee Taylor
2) One day in December - Josie Silver
3) Master's tools -Audre Lorde
4) The courage to be disliked -Ichiro Kishimi and Fumikato Koga
5) Milk and Honey -Rupi Kaur
6) Long shot -Kennedy Ryan
7) How to have difficult conversations -Stone, Patton and Heen
8) When breath becomes air -Paul Kalanithi
9) Manchester Happened -Jeniffer Makumbi
10) We real cool -Bell Hooks

Bonus
11) Refresh -Satya Nadella
12) The hard thing about hard things -Ben Horowitz
13)The healing power of herbs -Tina Sams

It shall be well

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The scariest thing in my life 2 weeks ago was spending time alone at my mother's house.
Not surprisingly, I had an easier and waaay better time than I expected.
Even in her absence, it is still my mother's house and I felt safe and loved there.
I was also surrounded by family, a comforting and welcome presence.

Monday is here; bringing with it new fears and it helps to remind myself 'It's not as bad as you think'
Someway, somehow, this will be resolved. This is a pebble, not a boulder, on my path.
It shall be well.

P.s -Any pointers on how not to overthink are also welcome.

RIP Mum

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Time really does heal that I can now type the subject without breaking down.
Mum was diagonised with Stage IV  rectal cancer in July last year and passed
away 5 months later  on 17th December.
The days after are a blur, of tasks and visitors, tears and a constant hum
of pain in the background.
2019 Christmas was the first without Mum and George - we all unlocked a new
 level of pain that day.
I'm trudging along , realised  fighting  the tears is a losing battle and when they show
 up in public I find a corner or bathroom .
This Saturday will be my first time to go home since returning to Kampala last month.
Wambui, my sis, was there last week and she couldn't stand it for more than 2 days.
Please say a prayer for me. I need it

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for,  and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. 
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking
 like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if
 you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by
 life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to
hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with
 wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without
 cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being
human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I wa…

38

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I turned 38 on Tuesday last week.
I feel happy.
As I was reflecting on Sunday (if you're ever in Kampala, Bahai Temple
is a wonderful place for reflection and prayer), realised, finally, my
default setting nowadays is contentment and happiness.
And what a joy it is to learn this.
I love my life; the people in it, by choice or default
I'm happy with my choices; even the no so smart ones
I love my body; the workings, shape and size of it
I love my mind; how it helps me interpret and interact with the world
I adore my heart; how she feels and navigates me
My spirit embodies all that I am , the foundation on which I'm built

It's taken blood, sweat and tear to get here and I'm grateful me rallied
and marshaled for this fight.
I'm bloody proud of myself.
Girl, you did good *highfives self
Well done

13 months

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13 months ago I left the familiar territory of the Gender and Development and took up
 a position in a social enterprise.
It's been a steep growth curve and here's my key 13 lessons:
1. Learning goes both ways. There's a lot to learn and a lot to teach 
2. Cultivate your voice. Showing up as your authentic self is critical 
3. Delayed decisions charge interest. The sooner you decide and act on the decision,the better 
4. Your team is your biggest asset and liability. They will make or break you. 
5. You have to be the bigger person, all the time, every time. 
6. Courage is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger and easier it gets. 
7. Murphy's Law:everything that could go wrong does after everything that goes right. 
8. Know your tribe. Figure out fast who to go to for what. 
9. Ask, ask, ask. For help, clarification,favours ,information. Always ask
10. Everything takes longer than you think. One of the co-founders, Jay, drummed this into me and it's annoyingly true.
11…