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Showing posts from 2014

BOGOF

You learn something everyday.
I was sitting across a group of men in the bar the other day who were discussing
their mutual friend who became a grandfather before he became a father.
Huh?
I was puzzled as well.
This guy,married a single mother and she didn't bear him any children.
He adopted her daughter and she named her son after him.
I learnt a new term.or rather a new application of a familiar term.Buy one get one free.
That's when you marry a woman a single woman.
You get her and the child/ren for free.
BOGOF,anyone?

#she scared me

This morning,as my class 3 daughter was getting ready for school,she recounted
a conversation she had yesterday with her classmate Amy.
The gist of it was how they hated Luos and ultimately Raila.
And it broke my heart.
Then made me feel guilty.
Amongst the many voices she's been hearing about being Kenyan,
 Kikuyu,Kamba or Luo,mine isn't the one that stands out.


What to say

I lost my nephew last week.
One of the things I noticed is what people say-to console you.
Some of them,no matter how well intentioned they are,had me cringing.
Here's some of them.
i)It's God's will-when I'm in pain,and I've being taught that God is a loving Father,who loves me,
I don't want to hear that He wants me  hurting
ii)God has a reason-well,I can't see it right now so don't mention it.
All I want is raise my voice at Him and question.Don't take that away from me
iii)You'll get another child.Really??????This is the most insensitive of them all.
Let me mourn.
iv)Give it time.Don't even go there
As I said earlier,these statements and many others are coming from a good place,a place
where someone wants to encourage.
Here's what you can say instead
i)Pole
ii)You're in my prayers and /or thoughts
iii)Hugs,if we have that kind of relationship.





Being Kyuk

Earlier this year,I read Amin  Maloouf's Identity.It's a very compelling and informative read.
He says one identifies with the identity that's most threatened.And that explains why I've
been feeling more Kikuyu than usual.
I needed to take a step back and remind myself that I'm also other persons-mother,
daughter,sister,friend,Christian,Kenyan,African,employer,employee,activist
and  this helped ground me.
To take off the Kikuyu coloured lenses.
I love being Kikuyu(don't know any different really)the language,culture(the little that's left of it),history
but I will not allow it to define me.

#worldcup2014

Disclaimer-I thought I'd posted this kumbe I saved it.The sentiments are still valid.

It's 0429hrs hrs Kenyan time and have just got home from watching Croatia thrash Cameroon 4-0.
In case you didn't know,I'm a football fan,and not those depicted in the FIFA ad,the clueless and admirers.
My last football crush was Rigobert Song.And probably the reason why I still passionately root for the Indomitable Lions.
Probably,too passionately.
In fact,my sister,after seeing how excited and disappointed I get,suggested I pick a team after the quarter finals.Save myself the hyperventilation and near panic and heart attacks..................
Back to tonight's game,I honestly thought Cameroon had a chance,that they's be a worthy opponent against Croatia.
Alas,it was not to be.
Maybe I should have asked my friend Sach,a brilliant M&E and Research guy  what the odds were. It might have saved me alot of heartache.
I was discretely crying after the  third goal and swearing n…

It's that time again

When I feel like I should apologize for being born into my tribe.
If the articles floating around and the posts on social media are to be believed,
Kenya would be the best country on earth if Kikuyus didn't exist.
I grew up in a predominantly Kikuyu neighbourhood.
Momanyi  and Awino joined us in class seven,I think, and that was my first close interaction
with  a non-Kikuyu.
 Awino gave me my first taste of brown ugali and fish.
While many of the girls were struggling with pimples,her skin was flawless.And always glowing.
High school changed all that,of which I'm eternally grateful.
Most of the stereotypes about other tribes were shattered,while some were confirmed.
4 years later,I came out de-tribalised,except whenever my friends would visit or call,my
mother would ask what tribe she comes from.
And I lived in that bubble for some time.Thinking that tribe doesn't matter,that Kenyans
can and should see the only people who benefit from the tribal card are the politicians.
A…

Strength of a woman

I was having lunch with a doctor friend of mine and the conversation somehow geared towards
violence in relationships,specifically  towards wives.
He cited depressing example upon example of the women he treats and counsels.
One male patient even beat up the wife while he was admitted.In front of the other patients.
The question we couldn't adequately answer is why the women stay in such relationships.
Of course there's the usual reasons-status,children,finances,religious and cultural beliefs,stigma etc
He kept saying that women are strong-able to endure hardship.
But is it really?
Is it strength that makes a woman sleep on the couch in her own house as her husband has
a one night stand  on the marital bed?
Is it strength or stupidity?

Disclaimer

A friend told me my posts are short and sometimes left hanging.
I agree.
My reason is I have a limited attention span and most importantly,I hate
giving explanations.
I apologize.It's unlikely to change.

#feelingformen

Being a man is tough.
I work in a men's organisation and it's an eye opener.
That they too have issues,and problems and this patriarchy platter
isn't as shiny as we women tend to think.
My Senator,Wamatangi is on my mind as I write this
His former househelp,who worked for him 7years ago,has accused
him of rape.
Maybe she's telling the truth.She could also be lying.
But his name,whether cleared or not,will now be tainted forever.
Reality is,we'll never know.Whether it was rape or not(I'm deliberately skipping the child issue because
that's easy to prove with DNA)
So it's her word against his.
Whatever the outcome,this man has powerful enemies.

I'm over you

Now I'm  convinced. When you get over someone,they will then start doing many of  the things they you wanted them to(and didn't) when you liked them. Let's call this guy John. I would get finger cramps from texting him,would abandon everything just  to see him for 5 minutes and he was the background song to all my thoughts. Then time painfully opened my eyes. My girls also had a bit to do with it. And I tortoise walked out of that 'thingi', as we used to call it. Now,he's saying and doing things,that I used to daydream he  would,calling ,wanting to spend time with me. He took me out for my birthday-there was a time that would have been the highlight of my year. I had even forgotten about it. Should I tell him my ship has sailed or wait for him to fill in the blanks

#someonetellKalonzoMusyoka

Yep.He said it.
And of course,we have parties throwing stones,while other shield him. Last year,during the election campaigns my friend was really annoyed. A politician,had bodly declared that her&all her fellow tribesmen &women supported  a particular candidate. All of them. She was seething. And this tyranny of numbers things seems to be supporting what the politicians would have us believe. The pro Musyokas  are arguing that we are tribal and ethnicity plays a role in our actions. Which is true. And also not true Within those tribes/institutions/groups,we have pockets of 'opposition' The minorities. Those who don't conform and tow the line. But in a typical majority wins fashion,we don't even acknowledge their existence. We,as Kenyans are experts at ignoring anyone who doesn't think like most of us. And our default mechanism is to demonise. Look at how we're peddling myths,half truths and lies about Muslims,Somalis,LGBTIs, persons living with disabil…

To strong women

And the men that step up to the plate.
My friend's mum has Alzheimer's and for the last 3 years she has
watched the woman who bore her  become a shadow of herself.
She was telling me earlier she cannot even swallow her medication now.
Even the doctor,during the last visit,more or less told her this is it.
And still,she wakes up every morning to change,cook and bathe her.
Her devotion has not wavered.
And she still hopes.
For more time.With the woman who she couldn't stand during her teens.
Her youngest brother has been a solid rock.
He's paid the bills without complaining,borrowed,overdrawn to buy medication,spent
countless nights at the hospital and slept on the carpet in his mother's
house during the tough days.When his sisters had reached their breaking point.
I salute you all.
God bless you

Handsome Nairobi men

I'm trying to recall the time my girlfriends and I were having a conversation on how handsome
Kenyan men are.
Hmmmmmmmhhh........never.

I do recall discussing Rwandese men and sighing  when in Kigali,wishing the eye candy would be available here in Nairobi.
Which is why I'm wondering-when did the men in Nairobi get so good looking?
In the past few weeks,it has come to my attention  there are quite a number of head turning,or at least second look worthy menfolk in these streets of Nairobi.
Was I blind before?is it really a new phenomena?is it a revolution?something in the water perhaps?

Whatever the reason,I'm glad this has caught my eye

On matters rape

When walking from church yesterday,my friend George told us about a group of thugs
that raided a block of flats near our neighborhood.They stole household items and raped several women.
We all paused for a moment,unable to comprehended the pain those families are those going through.

Thieves broke into my house last February and I remember how horrified I was,couldn't sleep for days afterwards and eventually had to move.And I was unharmed.
I shudder to imagine what the double violation  is doing to those women.And the men who had to witness the ordeals.

Sadly,most violent crimes in Kenya nowadays include rape.
Even sadder,is the countless number of men,women,girls and boys who are continually molested
by their partners,neighbours,friends and relatives.

Who do these survivors report to?what's their support system? which services are available?why are we burying our heads in the sand in regards to sodomy?and how do we reduce this pandemic?

On Wainaina's coming out

Finally we have a "prominent "Kenyan who has opened the closet doors and declared
he's gay.
Kudos Binyavanga Wainaina.
Still,he fits into the stereotypical  Kenyan gay-bright flashy clothes&hairdo,living /has lived abroad and a creative.And of course middle class or rich.
In fact Ciku Muiruru joked something along the lines   'As if the coloured hair and bright jacket didn't tell us already"
I wonder how the poor, bodybuilding gay is faring.

Happy new year

Am patting myself on the back for posting this early in the year. What a start!can't remember the last time I was this broke. I'm celebrating a budding business,a daughter who's in class 3,acceptance to a fellowship, Mum accepting my hairstyle(long story),forgiveness& a 20 yr friendship. And this year,may I truly live. The shackles are off. Here's to 2014