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Showing posts from 2016

The real reason

Funny how I usually have a post up in my head before sitting down to type and
as soon as my fingers hover over the keyboard, the words evaporate.

I like writing-seeing my thoughts on paper brings a smile to my face.It's also my
stamp in the world:I was here  and this is my contribution.
It helps that in my corner of the world,  I'm free, for the most part, to express my views.

If I enjoy it and is free to do it, why don't I indulge more often?
I can jump to the politically correct answer 'Don't have enough time'
And my audience would nod in agreement, because most likely, they don't have enough time to do
what they enjoy either.
Being busy has become a badge of honour.

The real reason though is fear.
Fear of what others would say/think about my writing.
What if I get judged, what if I'm not good enough, what if no-one ever sees my writing?
Which begs the question,why do I want to write?For myself or others
Which leads to, who's loss is it if I don&…

Sept 2016

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My ex-boyfriend and Kami's biological father died in a fire 2 weeks ago.
Sad,tragic death.
A number of my friends and family called asking me how I was doing.
It was hard to explain to them that I lost him years ago.
The sad moment was explaining to Kami that he was gone and crushing the hopes she harboured about  a(possible) relationship with him.

His death gave me a new appreciation of time.
If he had died before and between Sept 2005-2008,I would have been broken.
As my friend Rose said,If it weren't for Kami, this would have been a tragic footnote in my week.

I was tempted to take the 'What If' road.
What if we didn't break up, What if he was involved in Kami's life, What if ........
I have a wealth of lessons  about love, rejection, betrayal,pain, strength, forgiveness, faith from him.Still learning  about motherhood and parenting.
I'm grateful our paths crossed,I'm more grateful they diverged.
May his soul rest in peace.







Bungee Jumping

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If I had a superpower, it'd be flying.
Yesterday read that means I feel tied down and would like to be free.
Maybe, I don't know, could be.
My favourite part of flying is the  take off, that moment when the wheels leave the ground and I'm up in the air, absolutely love it.
Too bad I can't stand up and cheer.
To celebrate my birthday last year, I wanted to bungee jump.
Sadly, I got sick.
Two months ago, June, my friend Juliet mentioned she's visiting me in Jinja and would like to bungee jumping.
I was all in.
I was the last of the three to go.
At first I was excited, then watching and  hearing  the screams slowly replaced the excitement with fear.
By the time,I was standing on the ledge, the assistant holding the back of my jeans so that I don't topple over, I had changed my mind.
What if,  the bungee cord snaps?That was the only question swirling in my mind.
At the count of 3, he let go and I was in hurling down towards the water.The screams were automatic,
didn't even…

In Love

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Early 2013,I  broke it off with Frank  and locked up my heart. At the time, I would have described it as being careful.

I started dating in April this year and  a  friend sent me the above quote when I told her .I didn't like it then and certainly don't now.It rang too true.
My heart was safe, for 3 years, possibly longer.It hibernated and I cruised along just fine.
It's now  awakening and I'm not fine.
I've now been dating for 3 months and my friends expect a happy answer when they ask how it's going.
Thing is, I don't have one to give.
My heart is stirring from it's slumber and it's painful, uncomfortable and difficult.
My default setting is run.
I hadn't realised that I thought love is a weakness and reprogramming my thinking is an uphill task.

And herein, I'm discovering the power of vulnerability.Especially with myself.
This is the first time in my life I'm looking into the mirror and facing my scars, appreciating how they've shape…

Dump it

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My mentor,Rosie told me something  that I'm trying to adapt this year:
'if it doesn't work for you,dump it'
Very liberating statement.
Unfortunately, hard to practice.
Especially because I've realised I'm a hoarder.
An emotional hoarder.

I hold onto too many  memories,relationships and emotions ,
way past their expiry date.
And obviously,behind this is fear and comfort.
Fear of rejection and the unknown.
Comfort of the familiar

I had coffee with my good friend Chris in March.
She said she' trimming the fat'
Anything and anyone that's unhealthy for her,
she's trimming.

It's 4th May 2016,  it's about time I dumped
and trimmed.





Gender

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Yesterday I learnt the statement  'This too shall pass' is not in the Bible.
I'm sure I've heard a preacher quote it is  and have probably said it myself.
Made me wonder how many other things I'm wrong/ ignorant  about.
 Today I was filling in a survey that answered my question.Many things.

* 3.How would you describe your gender identity? (Select all that apply) 
*If you are not familiar with the term “cisgender,” it refers to people who identify as the gender they were assigned at birth.

Agender Bigender Cisgender* Female Cisgender* Male Genderqueer Intersex Pangender Queer��������…

To Elena

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Proverbs 18:24b-There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

I thought I had the flu-was running a slight fever and feeling weak.
Took a day off,expecting it to clear and I would go back to work.
What followed was a misdiagnosis, admission to 3 different hospitals, a blood transfusion,
countless injections and worse pain than giving birth.
It was a miracle I made it.

Through all this,Elena was steadfast.
She was my rock-I know I wouldn't have made it without her.
I now know she cried constantly,fought for me and was thoroughly overwhelmed.

There are incidences and hours that I do not recall.
She,however,was the constant through it all.
Being sick is hard, in a foreign land  it's a hundred times worse.
Elena,became the bridge between my family and me.
She comforted and reassured both parties.

Thank you seems inadequate,but for now it'll have to do.
I'll be forever indebted to her-my knightress in shining armour.
Thank you Elena