Waaringa

After many moons, I've learnt to love my body  as is, not waiting when it's how I hope it to be I'm loving my life, marveling as it unravels, no longer saving my joy and wonder about it for a date in the future I'm in love with this moment, the sunsets and sunrises, winds and waves , breezes and hurricanes , all of it. Finally

Wish there was a place I could go to. And air out my grievances,as an African Christian. I struggle with  how the Church laid the foundation for colonialism. The teachings have been used, over time, as a tool for the subjugation of women, to justify racism, slavery ,homophobia ,abuse Femininity has been shamed, condemned and the yardstick for morality is female sexuality. Who else is milking my faith and what are they using it for? How much of what I believe is manipulated  and how much is real?And what does real here mean I've heard over the years that I must choose between being African and being Christian. Must I? Where can I get some, if not all of these answers? Without being judged , shamed or guilted?

In 2016, my bosses Calum and Emily taught me the magic of saying  'I don't know' It was even in the training manuals, if you don't know the answer, just say so. What a relief. As a facilitator, this set me free. Knowing that I don't have to know , and worse, pretend that I do and fumble through my answer. It trickled into my life. Now have no qualms telling Mukami, my daughter, that I don't know. Nowadays I admit to myself, at least, that I don't know what my opinion is or how I feel about some of the hashtags floating around. And I don't have to know. For a once upon a time ,Know it All, this is liberating. My new superpower; I don't know. *The other day Kami tried to switch on the cooker and it didn't work. She informed me and I told her it's coz the child lock is on. ''How did it know I'm a child?'' She asked.