On getting your own man

A whispering woman called me at 00.00hrs to ask who I was.When I asked  if she was calling me at midnight to ask my identity,she hang up.

I was not very puzzled,this was most probably a spouse/girlfriend who had scrolled through her man’s phone and found I had communicated to him at some point during the day.

In this case,the damning evidence was a text message,he is a client who had paid through Mpesa.

It struck me as I slept that if she’s a Christian like me,she was probably praying me out of her man’s life.

There’s this message doing the rounds on facebook targeting  single women ,the gist is get your own man.It is interesting to note only married women are copying this to their walls.

Allow me,my married sisters to point out a number of things

i)Not every  woman is interested in your man.He does it for you,we get that and good for you.But after spending a minute or five,weeks,years around him,we begin to wonder how you stand him.

ii)There are many women in his life.Your man has and has had female neighbours, school and playmates,friends,colleagues,acquintances,business partners,exes(this category should put a smile on your face)and relatives(yah,some of you are chronically insecure).

You don’t own him.

iii)Figure out what your deal breaker is.That is the thing(s)you absolutely cannot tolerate.If your man cheated,after interventions by family,friends,pastor/sheikh you forgave him and reconciled,infidelity is not your dealbreaker.

For some of you,violence,rape,defilement is not it either.Be honest to yourself and as the Bible says,the truth will set you free.

We have noticed that for many of you,poverty is.

iv)Get an exit strategy.Remenber Gideon Moi is bankrupt.

Take days,weeks,years even to plan how to get out.Now that you have faked liking his jokes,relatives,friends and orgasms,this should be a walk in the park.

Then walk with your held high and don’t look back.

v)You are not superwoman.I have cringed at bridal showers when the bride is given her list of duties by the other married women.You are to be your husband’s mother(love unconditionally),sister(chastise gently and always understand)lover(goes without saying)accountant(keep track of his income and expenditure)intercessor(I have a friend who washes her husband’s boxers as she prays for his fidelity)best friend(you should be the first person he runs to)advisor(have nuggets of wisdom about everything)and boy(you guys should hang out,in fact you should pray out his boys who you think are corrupting him) etc etc.

Define your role.

vi)The Secret. Please watch it and understand the Law of Attraction.We all know what you are looking for as you snoop through his emails and phone.Soon enough,you will find it.

vii)Everything has a price.And not all prices are in monetary value.We notice how much you are paying to be titled ‘Mrs’ and for many of you,the equivalent is renting a mud walled room in the heart of Mathare slums at Ksh 75,000p.m.

viii)Don’t confront the other woman.This I was told by my mother.No stalking,no fights or threats.The relationship contract is between you and your man therefore when he breaks a clause,take him to task about it.He will have to comfort the other woman for the distress you have caused and the figures involved in such comforting will have her thanking God for you.

ix)Having another baby is not the cure for what ails your relationship.Never have and never will.

x)There was/is something in it for you.Mrs’ like to potray themselves as matrys.The most common sacrifices include careers,looks,freedom,friendships,family etc etc.

We know your before and after and are aware you also partook from the altar of your marriage.The most common partakings  include finances,children and superiority complex.

You keep asking when we are going to settle down.Since we are friends,we can’t tell you that you are not a poster for marriage.

You laugh less,have perfected that fake smile, spew venom about men and sigh when you realize it’s your husband who’s calling.

Your makeup cannot hide your sad eyes,your waning confidence and suffocating spirit.

Chances are our marriage will be different from yours,chances are it won’t be.Therefore let me hold off the misery for a while.