Waaringa

I've never been comfortable with the term 'single mother' Yes, I'm single and have an offspring but put together, the term has implications that don't sit well with me. My family and friends have time and time again shouldered the responsibility for Kami's emotional, financial and social well being. Still, I sometimes wish I had a co-parent. And  this longing usually resurrects during events. Kami is closing school tomorrow and I'm unable to pick her as well as  attend the end of term ceremony. I'm grateful for friends who are stepping in and travelling back home with her. It doesn't, though, assauge the guilt I feel at such times as these. Of not being enough. Which probably most parents feel .Mine's a bit more glaring.

Yesterday I listened to the Loving and Listening to your body guided meditation on Insight Timer  and it broke me. It was the first time in my life I was paying homage to her , affirming my love  and communicating intent to heed the messages she sends me. The number of times I have looked back, usually when it's too late , and realised that I ignored and /or shut down the cues she was giving me about a situation are countless. And I always pledge to listen the next time and promptly break  the promise. I have not been kind to her,  have treated her poorly; as an afterthought. Somewhere along the way, I decided to not let her define me , which my mind and spirit translated to not caring. In fact, I only befriend her when something is broken and once fixed, go back to  my old snobby ways. Well, there comes a time, I'm glad my time is now here. She has housed me for the last 36+ years, it's about time I showered her with  all the love, compassi...