Waaringa

Hallo, my name is Waaringa and I'm addicted to reading. I'm the type, on a device, with 10+ tabs open. Even when death was knocking on my door through malaria, I read when I could. Hope heaven has books. My favourite reads for 2017; so far 1) Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi 2) The Prophet  - Khalil Gibran 3) Born a Crime  - Trevor Noah 4) Year of Yes  - Shonda Rhimes

In my network marketing days, the acronym for fear was Fear Evidence Appearing Real. I've read numerous books, articles, watched tens of clips and videos on how to overcome fear and for a minute, I deluded myself  had slayed that dragon. Subconscious wasn't going to let me get away with that.She must have been building her case diligently  behind the scenes and a on a lazy Sunday, while enjoying  doing nothing on my couch , with all my defences down, she shoved  Truth in front of me. As usual, a fight broke out.Truth,Reasoning and Emotions argued for days, hurting Sleep and resurrecting  Sweet Tooth. Emotions is as stubborn.Her concession for defeat was acknowledgement that she had  overcome some fears. Gloatingly rubbing her hands at the hard won victory , Reason  gave a power point presentation that Truth helped her put together; -Fear of drowning -Fear of causing a car accident -Fear of not finding love -Fear of(the prospect) sett...

Actually, one of those weeks. When I have a lot to  smile about and all I want to do is cry The good, bad and ugly occur simultaneously What to do? A dose of pleasure mixed with a portion of frustration topped off with a shot of hope, garnished with fear It is not well I am well My spirit is working overtime to fight this storm The waves of negativity pounding my boat relentlessly Rays of sunshine shoving their way in 'Lean into the discomfort' someone says I don't know how

Kami will be turning 12 next month. Over the years,I've met men  I've liked and would have enjoyed exploring the attraction but they shut down when they find out I have a child. A part of me gets it, opinions abound about single mothers, and it takes a lot (I guess)of guts to rise above all that negativity and parent another man's child. Another part gets frustrated each time I see the locks and nuts get bolted. It happened again this weekend and it still irks me. Didn't mention her on the 1st date (a long time ago I gave myself permission to diverge/withhold any personal information as I see fit) and it slipped out soon after. And because this ain't my first rodeo, I knew that was it.Still I hoped. Now I don't know what to do with this bundle of negative feelings I'm stuck with. I feel regret, annoyance, frustration. To myself, why do I even bother?when will I learn to manage my expectations, scrap them altogether even. To him, just wish he'...

I've just taken my daughter back to school here in Jinja and one of her teacher's remarked how Kenyans will kill each other over the election results in October , like they did in 2007. My knee jerk reaction was anger , then pride kicked in and I told him it won't happen. Of course I'm proud to be Kenyan.At least half the time. Then I log onto Facebook and Twitter and the pride curdles into shame and anger. I'm angry that tribe is our chief identity. We share multiple identities:children, parents, siblings, employees, employers, partners, friends, professionals, religious and spiritual affiliations, talents, hobbies etc. Yet, the one identity we had no choice in, is the one we cling to ,our Kryptonite. Election season is a great time to know what others think of their fellow Kenyans. There are many pleasant surprises and numerous shocks-the hatred and vitriol is nauseating. Fake news adds to the burden of separating the wheat from the chaff. There ar...

And now these three remain:faith, hope and love.But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 I can't remember when I memorised this Bible verse.Many moons later, it still strikes a chord. In my life, the most fragile of the 3 is hope. Battling between positive thinking-ness, optimisim and realism, hope is usually my first casualty. Today, I'm willing to fight for my hope. That my beloved Kenya will be peaceful after today's elections .There are and will likely  be many reasons to justify violence. I choose to believe that we will muffle the voices of those whose interests enable them to see human lives as collateral damage. I choose to see that we're birthing a new frontier , that my beloved motherland is on an upward and onward trajectory. I choose hope.

The identities that bring me a lot of joy also cause me a lot of pain. Being a woman,mother, daughter, sister,friend,Christian, Kenyan. This morning, it hurts to be Kenyan. The general election is in a week's time and m ore blood is being shed. Last weekend  it was Chris Msando's , in March it was my friend Dan Omollo . There's probably others that didn't make the news. It's heartbreaking, that life is seen as collateral damage in the pursuit of  political ambitions. The conspiracy theorists are having a field day, further fueling the fires and fears of violence. A facebook post by my friend George resonated strongly with me and it's my take on the matter. From recent happenings. There are two people I want to congratulate, our president Uhuru Kenyatta and our former prime minister Raila Odinga. The two of you have done what so many terror attacks tried to do but failed to. You have made Kenyans AFRAID, afraid of the future, afraid of their neighbours, af...